


Dangerous Confessions

by NotEvenThat



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Background Malec Fluff, Bisexual Jace Wayland, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Episode: s02e15 A Problem of Memory, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Parabatai Bond, Parabatai Feels, Pining, Post A Problem of Memory, jimon, post 2x15
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 07:52:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11481942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvenThat/pseuds/NotEvenThat
Summary: Simon confronts Jace to tell him that it doesn't have to be weird between them, if he dates Clary. Jace struggles to admit that Clary isn't the person he's attracted to.





	Dangerous Confessions

Simon darted in front of Jace as everyone else made their way out of the room. Clary hovered for a moment, staring at Simon like she wanted to go talk to him but wasn’t sure if she should. After a moment, she followed Alec and Magnus out of the door and left Jace and Simon standing there alone.

Glancing up from the mission report that needed to be on Alec’s desk by that night, Jace sighed. “Are you going to punch me? Or perhaps admit you’re unwavering love for me?” Simon winced at Jace’s words. Perhaps that one hadn’t been tasteful, considering recent events. Jace stared and after a moment of Simon not saying anything, he snapped, “I do have things to do, so if you just stopped me to stare at me for a couple of minutes…”

“It's okay, if you want to date Clary!” Simon practically yelled it before running his hand through his already messed up hair and looking up at him nervously. “I mean- I know you don’t need my permission, Clary is her own person but I just- I don’t want-” Simon audibly struggled to finish his sentence as Jace stared, momentarily frozen from the sudden chance of conversation. “I don’t want this to be weird- any weirder than it already is. For you, Clary or me.”

Slowly, Jace closed the file in his hands. After a moment, he laughed, though it was hollow and forced. Inside, he could feel the panic swelling in his chest but he shoved it down and smirked. “It wouldn’t be weird. I’m not one for codling, Simon. If Clary and I were together and that made you uncomfortable, then that would be your problem. It's not going to happen though, so you don’t need to worry about it.” Jace’s eyes flickered down to the report again, skimming the writing on the cover as if he were actually reading it.

“What- What do you mean? You and Clary like each other. I thought-”

This time, Jace winced. “Clary and I don’t like each other.” He said it harder than he had meant too and then he pushed the air out of lungs and closed his eyes, mentally recalibrating himself.

Simon laughed, humorlessly. “You and Clary have been drawn to each other since the beginning and Seelie magic doesn’t lie! You and Clary obviously-”

“That night in the Seelie court only showed that Clary wanted to kiss me. The magic had nothing to do with my feelings.” Jace stared at him and Simon's eyes widened a fraction of an inch. Jace wondered if this was how Alec felt, every time someone commented on Alec finding a wife. Every time Jace and Isabelle said something about girls, while they were growing up. If he felt this gnawing panic still.

“You don’t..” It was a simple concept. Simon didn’t seem to be able to wrap his head around it, though. “You don’t like Clary?” He blinked, uncomprehendingly.

“No, I don’t.” His words came out quietly. They sounded oddly like a surrender. “Clary and I were drawn to each other but I don’t-”  He shook his head and this time it was him that anxiously ran his hand through his hair. He didn’t know what he was trying to explain. He didn’t know the words that he wanted to say and certainly didn’t want to be saying them to Simon. He hadn’t even gotten the guts to talk to Alec about it yet, though he was sure Alec knew more then he pretended too. “I don’t want Clary like that. I want to be close to her and I.. I love her but-” Jace shook his head and realized that every word he was saying was true. He hadn’t even thought the thoughts to himself and yet, here he was pouring his heart at the feet of Simon. “I don’t want her like that. I’m not.. Attracted to her.”

They both fell silent after he spoke and then Simon asked, his voice resonating with shock that made Jace want to punch him or run away, “Are you gay?”

Jace looked up at him and shook his head no instantly, “No! No, I’m not I just-” He didn’t need to be talking about this. He didn't need to be saying this to Simon. He could leave, Simon couldn’t stop him. “What does Magnus say he is?” Jace stayed. He looked up at Simon, his expression open and vulnerable. He didn’t have enough strength to try and mask it. “When he likes both?”

“Bisexual?” Simon said it slowly, like he didn’t understand how that could be the word that Jace was looking for. It made him all the more anxious.

“Yeah, that. I-” Jace hesitated and then he looked up at Simon and narrowed his eyes. He was a Mundane. To them, this was common place. Simon was the safest person for him to admit this too. He thought that to himself over and over again until he finally spoke. “I think I’m that. I think Alec made me like that.”

Instantly, Simon's face scrunched up and Jace moved to cut him off the second the words started coming out of his mouth.

“Alec can’t-”

“I know! You can’t make someone.. Like that but I think with Alec and I, you can.” Simon stared at him, waiting, so Jace continued. He had started speaking and now it was like he couldn’t stop himself. He didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to be talking about it with Simon but Simon was there and he was waiting and he was _safe._ “You don’t understand how close Alec and I are. When we took out Parabatai oath, we joined our souls. I feel what Alec feels, he feels what I feel. Sometimes, he thinks something and it takes me a moment to realize that it wasn’t my thought.” Even those words didn’t fully explain the bond that they had. They breathed in sync. They dreamed together. Their hearts pounded as one and the line that separated them was blurred so hard that Jace wasn’t sure where he stopped and Alec started, it didn’t matter though. At the base of it, Alec and him were the same person and even his fellow Shadowhunter's didn’t understand that.

“Alec likes guys. It's really not that unrealistic that our bond made me like them too.” He said it bluntly. His words were clamoring and bulky. They sounded more like something Alec would say, rather that the practiced speech that Jace tried to maintain. “And now- With Alec coming out and Magnus-” With Jace feeling Alec’s love for Magnus every single time he walked into a room. With Jace feeling how attracted Alec was to him. With Jace feeling how safe Alec felt- _They_ found around him.

Jace looked up and met Simon’s eyes again, “I’m not attracted to Clary and I don’t _want_ to be attracted to her.”

“Oh.” Simon blinked slowly, “That.. Makes sense. You want to explore guys a bit.”

Instantly, Jace’s gaze tightened into a glare. There it was, the mundane casualness that was so bordering on danger, even though they didn’t realize it.

Simon seemed to realize that Jace didn’t like what he said because he moved forward a bit, his hands rising as he spoke quickly, “There’s nothing wrong with that Jace! I know Shadowhunters are a bit old fashion but-” _Old fashion._ As if that described The Clave’s absolute hostility towards the subject. As if that describe the danger of the situation. “There's nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality!”

Even if there wasn’t, Jace knew that everything else he wanted was. He didn’t want to ‘explore guys a bit’. He wanted to explore one guy. One guy, whose fangs Jace dreamt about nearly every night. Whose face Jace woke to, hard and aching, like he was a thirteen year old going through puberty again.

Slowly, Jace nodded. “Yeah. I guess.” He folded the mission statement and slid it under his arm, strengthening his back again as he glanced to the door. “This was a really nice chat-” His words reeked with the sarcasm and confidence he’d been trying to regain since they started speaking. “-but I do have work to do.” He winked and his anxiety calmed in his chest. “Saving all of humanity, you know.”

Simone rolled his eyes and instantly Jace felt safer. This was normal. This was how they acted together and Simon didn’t suspect anything at all. “Yeah.” He scoffed lightly and Jace could tell he wanted to say more. After a moment, he looked to Jace, his expression softening. “If you ever need someone to talk about you know-” Simon shrugged and Jace knew that he meant everything they’d just talked about. “You can talk to me.”

The offer sat heavy in Jace’s heart but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to take Simon up on his offer. If he did, he just might slip up. He just might lose control and admit every single thought he’d had about Simon since that night, when he had slashed his fangs into his neck and that _couldn’t_ happen.

“Thanks for the offer but I don’t really want to talk to _you_ about my sexual energy.” There was not a statement in the world more far from the truth. Jace pushed past him and threw open the conference hall door, making his way to Alec’s office like his heart wasn’t stinging with the want to turn back around.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing Simon/Jace and this just leaves me wanting to write more.


End file.
